From Firearms Instructor to Guitarist: My Story of Resilience and Change
When I began to call myself the Black Man With A Gun, it was risqué and provocative. My government employers didn’t care for it too much. They watched me for signs of being a domestic threat. The church I served watched me, fearing I was not what I claimed. Black clergy didn’t want to talk to me. The gun industry wasn’t sold on me. The African American diaspora didn’t agree on me either. To some, I was the second coming of “Spoon Who Sat Behind the Door,” to others, worse; helping the white man kill us by promoting responsible gun ownership. Black bookstores didn’t want to carry my book.
““A prophet is not without honor (respect) except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household”
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For thirty years, I fought the cultural battle before Google, Facebook, and YouTube were born. By the time they arrived, I was burnt out, angry, and tired.
When I first started as a firearms instructor in 1986, I faced a lot of challenges. I was ridiculed, feared, and punished for my beliefs in armed self-defense. I took every class I could find and got certified by everyone, but nobody seemed to care. I worked hard, sacrificing my job and family for the right to keep and bear arms movement. I was determined to undo the slave mentality, racism, and ignorance about responsible gun ownership. I helped a generation, anyway.
Eventually, I got tired of it all—the politics, corruption, and mismanagement. I saw others succeed where I failed. So, I sold my firearms and stopped teaching.
Looking forward to retirement with my wife, I was thrown under the bus when she became ill at the same time as the global pandemic reset the world. To cope with both, I picked up the guitar to play in between hospitals, nursing homes, and becoming a caregiver in 2021.
Today, I am redoing the Black Man with a Gun site, just to keep in touch with the few people that remember me and share this new part of my life. Unfortunately, depression is also a part of it.
I have concluded the Urban Shooter / Black Man with a Gun Show podcast this year. I still have my Christian show, Faith Journey Podcast, which I am struggling with because of how things are.
The mental and physical energy I am using now to learn music, play, and practice has been therapy. I can't play or practice all the time, but I do it enough to fight the feelings I am going through. I am still grieving how things are for me at this stage in my life. If you know me, then you know the rest of it. Depression is real, but so is hope.
My depression tried to join a support group, but it got lost on the way to the meeting.
I still have a few pistols and guitars to sell as I hone my skills in both. I treated guns and all the things I used to be a part of like an ex-wife that I wanted to distance myself from. I have really fallen off on marksmanship as well. In my absence, ammo prices have risen substantially.
What else has changed while I was “out”?
